We have some big news. We're Pregnant.

I haven't updated my blog in ages because we've been navigating some unfamiliar territory.  Late in February, I had a positive pregnancy test.  This was entirely unplanned.  In fact, I'd planned on seeing my doctor in March and asking about more permanent methods of birth control.

The next few weeks were extraordinarily stressful for us.  Given my history, we fully anticipated losing this pregnancy at some point before the 7-8 week mark.  By 6 1/2 weeks, my emotions were spent and I broke down and asked my doctor for a beta-hCG level to be drawn.  He gladly agreed and I had the level drawn on a Monday.  Bear in mind that, in all my past pregnancies, I'd never had a beta level greater than 800.  Imagine our surprise the next day when he informed me the level was over 21,000!  I was stunned.  My doctor fit me in for an ultrasound immediately.  Unfortunately, darling hubby was out of town on business and couldn't be with me.

I was a complete wreck at the doctor's office.  It got worse when I saw the ultrasound screen.  There was a yolk sac, a gestational sac, and fetal heartbeat.  I'm pretty sure everyone in the office (not just me) was in tears at the sight of it.  Dr. B was as calm as a Hindu cow and informed me that I was, most certainly, pregnant.  FOR REAL.

The last 8 weeks have been a blur of ultrasounds, an NT scan, nausea, exhaustion, and cautiously telling people here and there.  I am in my second trimeter already and all looks well so far.  Our perinatology specialist's exact words: "I have no reason to believe there is anything but a healthy baby in there."

So, we are slowly working our way through this process.  We told our adoption agency last week and our social worker was ecstatic for us.  Obviously, we are putting our profile on hold.  Assuming all goes well with this little one, we will try to adopt our second child at some point down the road.  I cannot communicate to anyone how surreal this experience has been so far.  The concept of pregnancy and childbirth was something I mourned, grieved and had put to bed for good.  To get to experience this after all is a blessing whose magnitude cannot be put into words.  Of course, we still have a long way to go.

But to invoke a saying I learned on a pregnancy loss message board I frequent, "Today I am pregnant.  And I love my baby."