First blog. Ever. . .

Well, here it is. The official Blog of our Adoption Journey.

I'm already tired of that term. Isn't that terrible? It just sounds so trite. I am excited for what lay ahead of us - the possibility of parenthood, sharing our home with another human being, imparting our knowledge, values, and moral system. But those two words - the implications are staggering.

Before we decided to become prospective adoptive parents (PAPs), we didn't realize there was this whole other language about the subject. And a host of emotional and behavioral expectations that would be foisted upon us once we decided to enter this microcosm of parenthood. I knew there would be forms to fill out and hoops to jump through. But this is nothing compared to the intangible demands forced upon us (PAPs) by ourselves as a group and the outside world.

I'm always amazed at how people respond when I explain that we are attempting to adopt an infant. I've never gotten any of the "can't you have kids" or "how much does it cost to get a kid" idiocy that I hear other women speak about on blogs and such. I'm talking about The Look. The facial expression that I perceive on nearly every person I tell. It goes hand-in-hand with a softening of their voice and often the words, "that's great." They have already, in the span of a few seconds, summed up my situation and assessed what is the most socially appropriate way to respond. Fascinating. Sometimes, the pity is palpable. They know that the odds say that I'm incapable of having biological children and that's why I've chosen this route to parenthood. They assume that I've already pursued medical intervention for the problem - to no avail. They assume that I've shed countless tears and that my husband and I have failed at a task that the vast majority of the human population is extraordinarily successful at - making more humans.

And they are right.

But the truly f*#ked up part of the equation is that the onus is on ME to navigate this with tact and grace. To be an ambassador of sorts for the benefits and joy that adoption brings to many, many families. And I'll do that with a smile. Even though we all know that the industry (and I do mean to use the word industry here) is fraught with unscrupulous individuals looking to make a buck. The stories of birthmothers working the system to get their rent and expenses paid for by others with no intention of ever surrendering their infants. And adoptive parents who will stop at nothing and spend as much money as it takes to secure their birthright of parenthood. I cannot believe we have jumped into the fray.

Luckily, there are good people in this business of parenthood for pay. Attorneys and social workers who strive to make the system better for everyone: the prospective parents with broken hearts, the birthmothers who need help to change their lives, and the children in the middle. We were fortunate enough to find some of these people - and be able to afford to work with them. I've learned that the "quickest match" isn't the way to go. We want the RIGHT match. I don't want to take a child from someone who could parent her baby if she used all of the resources available to her. I don't want to be an adoptive mother at the cost of leaving a birthmother confused and agonizing over her decision because she didn't get the counseling she needed to make an informed choice. And I don't want to make a glorified baby broker rich by spending tens of thousands of dollars in the hopes of being matched in only 3 to 6 months.

I'd like to think we are better people than that. . .