The Princess of Quite-A-Lot

Our little boy has arrived!

2010-11-22T16:47:00.000-08:00

Omigosh - it has been so long since I posted on this blog! The last few months of my pregnancy seemed to be a whirlwind of preparations. Plus, I was pretty tired on a regular basis and admit that my attention to blogging pursuits seemed to wane with my energy.

Landon Thomas arrived via caesarean section on November 9th, 2010, at 3:16 p.m. He weighed 6 lb 11 oz and was 20 1/4 inches long. We think he is super cute and are enjoying the heck out of him!!

Sorry - long time, no post!

2010-07-14T21:41:00.000-07:00

The last few months have been a whirlwind. Some major stresses for darling hubby and I - his Dad died, we had some marital stuff crop up, and I spent the first 16 weeks of this pregnancy completely stressed out with fear.

But, things are looking up! Our baby (a boy!!) is doing great and growing well. We saw him on ultrasound a few weeks ago and will see him again this coming Monday for a follow-up. Everything looked fine, we just couldn't get a good look at his little face or heart as well as we'd like. He'll be much bigger this time and we'll be able to see his cardiac structures in more detail. I'm hoping my doctor's office has the 3D feature on their ultrasound machine - I'd love to see what his face looks like!

I'm feeling pretty good. The food and smell aversion thing comes and goes. I guess it's OK because I really haven't gained any weight through the first 23 weeks - but I was a chunk to start out, so it's not unhealthy to be "net neutral" at this stage. I started to feel baby kicking and moving in earnest about 2 weeks ago - in fact, he's thumping away in there as I type this. What an odd and reassuring sensation. I had bought a small fetal doppler machine (to listen to his heartbeat) back at the 14 week mark and was using it almost daily to soothe my fears. Now, I only listen every once in a while because I get fairly consistent reminders he's doing okay in there. :-)

I can't believe there's only about 16 weeks left until he's here. The first part of this pregnancy seemed to go so slowly, but now it's definitely picking up speed. Luckily, I don't really have much to do to prepare - his nursery is furnished and decorated and I have some basics set aside in the closet. I guess as we get closer I'll wash all the little clothes and sheets and blankets and whatnot.

So, stay tuned - we'll keep you up to date on Little Man's progress!

We have some big news. We're Pregnant.

2010-05-18T17:30:00.000-07:00

I haven't updated my blog in ages because we've been navigating some unfamiliar territory. Late in February, I had a positive pregnancy test. This was entirely unplanned. In fact, I'd planned on seeing my doctor in March and asking about more permanent methods of birth control.

The next few weeks were extraordinarily stressful for us. Given my history, we fully anticipated losing this pregnancy at some point before the 7-8 week mark. By 6 1/2 weeks, my emotions were spent and I broke down and asked my doctor for a beta-hCG level to be drawn. He gladly agreed and I had the level drawn on a Monday. Bear in mind that, in all my past pregnancies, I'd never had a beta level greater than 800. Imagine our surprise the next day when he informed me the level was over 21,000! I was stunned. My doctor fit me in for an ultrasound immediately. Unfortunately, darling hubby was out of town on business and couldn't be with me.

I was a complete wreck at the doctor's office. It got worse when I saw the ultrasound screen. There was a yolk sac, a gestational sac, and fetal heartbeat. I'm pretty sure everyone in the office (not just me) was in tears at the sight of it. Dr. B was as calm as a Hindu cow and informed me that I was, most certainly, pregnant. FOR REAL.

The last 8 weeks have been a blur of ultrasounds, an NT scan, nausea, exhaustion, and cautiously telling people here and there. I am in my second trimeter already and all looks well so far. Our perinatology specialist's exact words: "I have no reason to believe there is anything but a healthy baby in there."

So, we are slowly working our way through this process. We told our adoption agency last week and our social worker was ecstatic for us. Obviously, we are putting our profile on hold. Assuming all goes well with this little one, we will try to adopt our second child at some point down the road. I cannot communicate to anyone how surreal this experience has been so far. The concept of pregnancy and childbirth was something I mourned, grieved and had put to bed for good. To get to experience this after all is a blessing whose magnitude cannot be put into words. Of course, we still have a long way to go.

But to invoke a saying I learned on a pregnancy loss message board I frequent, "Today I am pregnant. And I love my baby."

So blue. . . I'm really struggling right now.

2010-03-05T10:53:00.000-08:00

We recently marked 8 months of waiting for a placement and, I have to admit, my hope is rapidly waning. I've heard so many wonderful stories of matches and placements in the last few weeks, but it's becoming more and more difficult to stay positive. I'm starting to feel like everyone around us in the adoption world is being chosen, but we are just not worthy.

I hate that a little 25-page book is all that someone will see to make a decision to choose us. I know our profile has been shown multiple times, but we keep getting passed over. It just seems like none of the birthparents feel any "connection" to us. Despite the rave reviews we got on the profile from our agency, our attorney, and other adoptive couples, I still can't shake the feeling that there is something terribly wrong with it - and that's why we're not getting chosen. But I have no idea what more I could put in it to represent us in a way that's more personal. Which makes me feel like it's not the profile itself. . . but that no one wants us to parent their baby.

We are rapidly approaching the 1-year mark in our wait. I am rapidly approaching 37 years of age. The massive adoption credit still available for 2010 will expire at the end of the year. I have all these feelings of pressure. It's as though if this doesn't happen for us this year, it may never happen. Because I honestly don't know how much more I can tolerate the wait. We spent 2 full years trying to have a biological child, which almost ruined my marriage and nearly stole my sanity. Now, I feel like I am right back in the thick of that same despair. I'm pretty sure that at the 1-year mark I'm going to have to re-evaluate if I can really do this any longer.

My poor husband. He's so patient and kind. Sometimes I feel like him staying with me may rob him of any chance he has at being a father. My guilt over this, coupled with my grief over not having a child is absolutely crippling some days.

Ughh. I know that this, too, shall pass. If God intends for us to be parents, He will make that happen for us. It is just so hard to surrender this hugely important part of our lives to someone else.

7 months. . .

2010-01-26T12:14:00.000-08:00

No baby yet. Boo.

We touched base with our attorney to find out if it was legal or advisable to do a little self-marketing with business cards and letters to some local OBGYN offices. It sounds like this is definitely an option, so I'll try to get working on this in the next few weeks. He has situations come across his desk pretty routinely - but since they are outside our agency, it would mean significantly higher costs. At this point, I think we'll trust that Bethany will have a placement for us in the next 6 months or so. If we get to the one-year mark and have to redo our homestudy, maybe we'll expand our options and be willing to risk the higher costs.

As many of you (who know me well) can imagine, passing these long months with patience is not my strong suit. My inclinations to spend money and take on projects are legendary and this past month is no different. My latest endeavor? A brand new car!!! Darling husband decided that he is not interested in spending another snowstorm with our lovely, but not all-wheel-drive, Toyota Avalon and has given me permission to divest ourselves of this particular asset. In exchange, I'm buying a very beautiful Lexus RX 350 - pretty much the Mommy dream car. How lucky am I???? The new wheels are on the way from California and should be here in the next week or so. Our broker gave us an excellent trade-in value on the Avalon, so the transition should be pretty painless.

Hopefully, the smell of freshly sewn, semi-aniline leather in my new ride will quell my agitation over our ongoing wait to become parents.

6 months and counting. . .

2009-12-30T10:39:00.000-08:00

This week marked 6 months of waiting for a placement. Interestingly, it has gone very quickly. . . and very slowly at the same time. We've had our profile shown a few times, but no luck yet in getting chosen. I guess I'd really been hoping that we'd have a placement by the holidays, but 2010 is much more realistic.

In some ways, the wait is fine. We just paid off our Ford Expedition and I'm chipping away steadily at some credit card debt (wow, that trip to Europe last year was really expensive!), so I'm sure that this time to ourselves is all part of God's plan. I try to focus on how much we are getting done and how well-prepared we'll be once a baby joins our family. But, it's also difficult to see friends, coworkers, and acquaintances add second and third children to their families - in the same amount of time since we've been trying to become parents.

The holidays are passing uneventfully for us. Darling husband and I are eating at some restaurants we've been wanting to try and seeing lots of movies. We didn't put up a tree or any lights or decorations this year. We just didn't seem to have the desire to make time for it. Maybe once we have a child, it will be more important. This year we spent our time at church, praying and hanging out together instead. My folks are in Denver for a few days to visit us and we also got to take my father-in-law out to dinner this weekend - but, overall, this holiday season seemed like any other winter week to us.

I haven't been posting a lot lately, mostly because I don't have much to write about. But for those who follow and read, thanks for your interest!

National Adoption Awareness Month

2009-11-04T09:23:00.000-08:00

November is National Adoption Awareness Month.

If you'd like more information on how to foster or adopt a child, please see the links on the right side of this page. The Dave Thomas Foundation has excellent information on how your family can help a child waiting for a home. Here are some facts about foster care:

•Children enter the foster care system through no fault of their own. As victims of abuse, neglect and/or abandonment, they are removed from their home because their birth family is unable or unwilling to provide a safe environment for them.

•More than 129,000 children in the U.S. foster care system are available for adoption. Their parent’s legal rights have been permanently terminated and children are left without a family.

•Children often wait five or more years to be adopted, can move three or more times in foster care and are frequently separated from siblings. More than half of these children are nine years of age or older.

•Each year, more than 20,000 children available for adoption turn 18 and leave the foster care system without a family.

•Adopting from foster care is affordable. Most child welfare agencies cover the costs of home studies and court fees, and provide post-adoption subsidies. Thousands of employers offer benefits for employees who adopt and adoption tax credits are available to most families.

•Every child is adoptable. Many children in foster care have special needs. All of them deserve the change to grow up in a safe, loving, permanent home. Post-adoption resources are available.

•Adopting from foster care is permanent. Once a child is adopted out of foster care, the birth parents cannot attempt to claim them or fight in court for their return.

Every child deserves a family.

4 months. . .

2009-11-02T09:53:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted in a while since there's been no real activity on the adoption front. But that doesn't mean I've been up to nuthin'!!

Just got back from a week-long beach getaway to Siesta Key, Florida, with my crazy Korean friend S. She is such a trip to travel with! We don't get to see each other too often as she lives in Phoenix, but we try to travel somewhere once a year. Siesta Key was adorable. It's a little island off the coast near Sarasota and has this cool, "tucked away" feel. Once you cross the bridge, it's like being on a little tropical island. You can practically hear the Jimmy Buffett soundtrack in the background! We ate lots of fish and Indian food (they actually had a really good Indian place right over the bridge) and sat on the beach. It was so nice to get away for a little bit.

I'm also the proud (addicted) owner of a new iPhone 3Gs! I can't believe I lived without his thing for so long!!! The apps are so cool and the e-mail features are highly functional. This device is just light-years beyond my trusty old Sidekick. I felt bad leaving T-Mobile after 10+ years, but their hardware just doesn't compete. I'm practically attached to the thing! It actually came in handy in FL because the Google Maps and Yelp app made it so easy to find restaurants and shops.

I also just installed a new, 500GB, external hard drive I picked up at Costco for $69. My old hard drive is starting to sound wheezy and doesn't always connect on start-up, so I'm trying to prevent data-loss heartbreak before it happens. With all this technology, I feel soooo 21st century!!

My lust for all things baby and nursery seems to have died off kind of suddenly. The nursery is almost done - I'm just waiting for the nightstand, which got held up in shipping, to arrive sometime this week or next. Once that's in, I'll put down the little shag rug I got for the room and we'll be done. I have a small handful of items left on the stockpile list, but nothing I need immediately. I am, however, lusting for two other things! I really would like a new camera, as our old Kodak digital is pathetic. I think the iPhone actually has a better camera on it. I'd lurrrve a digital SLR, but they are so expensive!! Costco has some nice packages, and I'm hoping prices will come down before Christmas. My other wishlist item is an adapter for the iPhone for my car. I don't really want a new stereo deck, just one of those adapters that allows you to plug the phone in to an auxiliary jack on the system.

Can you tell I'm addicted to the iPhone??????

Nursery update. . .

2009-09-26T15:59:00.000-07:00

We got our crib in the other day! It is very pretty - and was quite easy to put together. It seems well made and sturdy, so I'm happy I spent the money on a quality brand.

I also put up the wall decals and artwork. The pictures are a little dark, but it gives you an idea:

The decals are really cute in real life. The room may seem a little sparse, but I want the space to be really calm and serene - not busy. All that's left to add is a small night table and lamp next to the glider; the dresser will go in the closet for now.

I had also added some small corner shelves near the changing table. I thought they would provide a nice little storage space for smaller items:

The curtains are done!!!

2009-09-19T08:08:00.000-07:00

Behold, our family room before painting and new curtains. A nice room - just kind of boring and vanilla.

Since we had so much time to kill this summer, what with waiting for a baby and all, I thought I would take on a little project to give the room a little more flair.

Well, I'm finally finished with our family room curtain project - hurray!! The construction of the panels went smoothly, but I did learn some great techniques and tricks along the way. The installation of the hardware was another story, though. . .

I used a local handyman contracting firm that had great reviews and an excellent BBB rating. The gentlemen they sent out was very nice, but not terribly well-equipped. He had basic tools and, fortunately, a mitre saw in the trunk of his Volvo (seriously), but no small hardware, parts, etc. I guess I was expecting a dude with a van lined with tools and little bins of parts and hardware - you know, prepared for anything. I was also a little ticked when they told me he would show up at 9 am and that didn't happen. I gave a detailed description of the job (mount curtain hardware on 19' wall) to the office when I booked the appointment, but the guy calls me at 8:30 and asks me what the job was?!? So, he has to go to the shop and pick up an extension ladder, delaying his arrival almost an hour. Not so much. . .

The rest is a long and tragic story involving 2 trips to Lowe's (1 of which was unecessary as it turns out) and 6 hours of labor - I won't bore you with it. With the exception of some disappointment over a center sconce piece not working with the other hardware pieces, it turned out OK. Here's the final result:

The paint is almost undectectable in these pictures because of the lighting. In the afternoon and evening, though, it makes the room much warmer and more elegant. Darling hubby seems quite pleased with the results and keeps telling me how great the curtains look. It really does tranform the room; every time I walk in it feels like a new house!!

Nursery is starting to take shape!!

2009-09-16T19:47:00.000-07:00

Now that my family room curtain project is finished, we emptied all the sewing equipment out of the nursery. Our glider and ottoman arrived from Babies R Us, so I went ahead and put that together. It's so comfy and cushy - I hope it will be great for those long nights when we have a little one!

I also assembled our changing table. I got a great deal on it at Target ($71.99!), so I was pleasantly surprised at how sturdy it felt once it was assembled. I didn't want to spend too much on something we'd only use for a couple of years. The picture below shows the room with the changer and glider. It's a petite room, but all that's left to add is the crib (on the wall where I'm standing to take the picture) and a small nightstand to the left of the glider. I'm really loving the wall color; it looks so pretty in the afternoon light. Please ignore the large plastic bags on the right of the picture - those hold my family room curtains, which are rolled onto tubes and stored in the bags.

Next up for the nursery: I pick up our crib tomorrow!! It arrived before the dresser and nightstand, but the box is quite large and we would have made two trips to pick up the stuff in our truck no matter what. Hopefully, the other pieces will arrive soon and I can put together the rest of the room. I also have some wall art and cute decals to decorate the walls. And I'm going to add some simple shelves and brackets for storing books.

The family room curtains go in tomorrow - hurray for this project being complete!!!! The handyman will be here at 9 am to help mount the hardware and put up the panels, so I'm looking forward to getting some pics of them when it's all complete.

In closing, I'd like to send out a big congratulations to my fellow blogger, Wendy, and her husband Steve, who's adopted baby daughter was born this morning!! I wish them every blessing and hope they have a smooth transition from the hospital to home.

2 months - and a few nibbles. . .

2009-09-02T10:05:00.000-07:00

This week marked two months since homestudy approval. I have to tell you, the time goes by quickly!! I've been plugging away at the curtains for the family room. The silk fronts are complete and now I'm constructing the linings. That should go quickly and I hope to have them done by next week.

In other news, our SW has already asked us about 2 different situations with birthmoms! Nothing concrete yet; she usually gives us a quick synopsis of some factors about the birthmom that may make us hesitant to be shown and then we can decide if we want to be considered. So far, in both cases, hubby and I have agreed that the particulars are not deal-breakers for us. Besides, even if we are selected form a profile standpoint, we still have a chance to meet the birthparent(s) and decide if we are go/no-go at that point.

We've agreed that we are willing to be shown to darn near all situations. Not because we are desperate for a baby, but more because we wholeheartedly believe that God has already chosen our child for us. We feel that it is silly of us to quibble over "possibilities" and "potential risks" about certain medical or other issues in the birthparents when some of these same issues may have occurred in a biological child of ours.

We know that God will entrust us with a child that we have the skills and resources to care for. If that child has a medical problem or if the birthparent(s) face(s) challenges, then we will do our best to satisfy His plan. How blessed are we that we will get the chance to do just that?

My nursery sewing project. . .

2009-08-25T09:43:00.000-07:00

This is the cute little valance from Carter's that goes with our nursery decor. I wish it were a little longer, but it fits OK over this wide window. Unfortunately, I have two much smaller windows in the room, as well. In a fit of domestic impetus, I crafted these little valances to go with it:

I found the cream-colored sailcoth at Target - these were originally some cafe curtains on sale there for $14.99. I bought some tan twill and chocolate corduroy (the dark brown trim part) at Joann and put these together in about 6 hours. The leaves are just appliques I made using cotton cut from a leaf pattern I drew. Then, I did a tight zig-zag stitch around the leaves and down the middle to add some detail.

The picture also gives you an idea of the room color. The pictures were taken in the evening with a light on in the room. It looks more glass-green in daylight. Nursery furniture is on order. The room is currently tasked with my latest sewing project, curtains for the family room. These will be 210" panels (4 of them) of spice-colored silk to frame our two-story family room windows. I will post pics of them when they are finished and hung - probably about two weeks from now.

Once the family room curtains are done, I'm somewhat conflicted about how to proceed with the nursery. We don't have placement and probably won't for quite some time. Should I go ahead and put the furniture together and dress the room as a nursery? Or should I wait? Is it really bad luck to set up the crib before baby arrives home? Or is that just an old wives' tale?? I know hubby is definitely uneasy about setting up the furniture. But, as an OCD control freak, I am actually leaning towards getting it done. I'm no longer as sad and emotional about the nursery; indeed, I'm starting to feel like this baby thing is really on the horizon - and I'm in full-on planning mode.

I suppose this it what I would have felt like if I'd been pregnant and awaiting a delivery. . .

1 month and counting. . .

2009-07-29T12:18:00.000-07:00

We've officially been waiting for placement a whole month already! It's so funny - everyone talks about how long the wait is for placement, but it seems like it's moving swiftly. There are times when I wish we had a baby already - and others when I am thankful to God that he has given us this time to prepare ourselves.

I think we're going to order the nursery furniture this weekend. I wanted to wait a little since we spent so much on the yard and some concrete work in June/July. Those projects came out really well - and are paid for - so I guess we'll go ahead!

I've started to stock up on little things here and there. So far, I've amassed some bedding (crib sheets, receiving blankets), a few nursery decor items, onesies, some Avent and Dr. Brown's bottles, a pkg. of pacifiers, baby wash, some Dreft, etc. I think if someone handed me a baby tomorrow we could manage, but I'd still like to get a few more things. We really want to give cloth diapering a try, but I'm hesitant to worry about it too much in the first few weeks at home. As a peace offering to Mother Earth, I'm gonna get some Seventh Generation diapers for the first couple weeks, then transition to the cloth. So, I need to buy some of those, too, I guess.

It still feels kind of like a sham when I look at baby stuff; even though I know this is going to happen, it's just not quite real yet. But I'm trying to push myself to get the room organized and ready for a baby - in case we get "the call." I'd really like to modify the closet to be more functional for a small child and I need to come up with some type of curtain or valance project for the windows, too. The pack-n-play arrived, as did the car seat and stroller, but they are still sitting in the boxes in the room. I really don't want to unpack them yet 'cause I think they'll just get dusty.

We are getting there. If nothing else, this whole process is an exercise in learning patience.

And now we wait. . .

2009-07-08T22:30:00.000-07:00

Well, we got our homestudy completed last week. Now begins the 6 to 18 month wait for a placement. It was actually pretty anticlimactic, to tell the truth. We looked over the homestudy report that the social worker wrote about us to identify any misspellings or errors and that was it.

In celebration, I've spent almost $700 on baby gear in the past week. Hurray for shopping! I'm trying not to go crazy, but I wanted to round up the basics - pack-n-play, car seat and stroller system, some bottles and a simple layette of onesies and socks and stuff. My mom helped me shop at Babies R Us the other day - which was good because I pretty much had a panic attack in the bottles and feeding section of the store. I think it was just from the overwhelming number of choices and hopefully it doesn't signify a more deep-seated anxiety about the process moving forward. Here's the stroller and car seat we got:

It's a Chicco KeyFit 30 and Cortina stroller. I bought the matching pack-n-play they make, too:

I know that we will be parents in the sorta near future, but it all just feels so surreal and nebulous now. I hate feeling so out of control about such a major part of our lives. All I can do for now is scour the internet and ogle all the great stuff I get to buy that, hopefully, I'll actually get to use someday.

And still waiting. . .

2009-06-19T19:45:00.000-07:00

Well, we heard from our social worker at the agency today and she has finished writing our homestudy. But, we STILL have not gotten back darling hubby's background check!!!! The agency was checking into this weeks ago and told us it was done, but they still don't have the results in the mail. Good grief! We submitted the fingerprints at the beginning of the year - first set in January and again in February. This is just ridiculous!!

Unfortunately, the agency can't technically approve us and put us on the waitlist until the background check is in hand because the info has to be written into the homestudy. Whatever. So, we continue to wait.

In other news, we got the rest of the interior of our house painted. It came out really pretty and I was pleased with the color selections we made. The nursery is epecially cute - the color is Recycled Glass by Sherwin-Williams. It goes well with the nursery decorations I've picked out so far. We also got our concrete pathway installed on the side of the house. The price for the job was great, but they pretty much wrecked all of our weed barrier in the area around the path. So, all of that needs to be redone and then we have to move the river rock back into those spots. Hurray for manual labor!

I'm looking forward to having our house "done." All that's left (for this year) is to get the concrete landscape borders done in the front and then I need to make the curtains for our family room. That should keep me out of trouble for a week, at least!

And I'm starting to get the urge to buy baby stuff. It's such an odd impulse - the compulsive planner in me wants to get everything ready as soon as possible, but another part of me wants to put it off as long as reasonable possible. Maybe that's why I'm coming up with all this stuff to do around the house. Hmmmmm. . .

That's all for now, folks. Oh, and I can't forget a shout-out to my (sorta) niece Megan who is turning 7 tomorrow!!

If you like a Frosty, please stop by Wendy's on Saturday, June 20th, or Sunday, June 21st, to enjoy one this weekend. When you do, Wendy's will donate 50 cents for each Frosty purchased to help kids in foster care.

Still waiting. But that's OK. . .

2009-06-08T17:51:00.000-07:00

No news yet on the homestudy approval. We finished up the last of the interviews in May and all went smoothly. Hubby's background check FINALLY came back, but my Mom's is missing in action. Now they'll just have to do the old-fashioned name check because we've already sent in fingerprints for my Mom twice. Hopefully, this won't drag out the process. Honestly - a more than four month turnaround for a background check?? Ridonkulous!

I actually did buy some baby stuff the other day. We are going with the Carter's Forest Friends theme for the nursery. We thought it was really cute and had the added bonus of being gender-neutral. I really hadn't planned on buying any of this type of thing before the homestudy was done. But, we are getting the entire house (interior) painted this week and I wanted to make sure I picked a matching color for the nursery. So, I bought the crib set, valances, a lamp, and some wall decals. The first $300 of many thousands I am sure I will spend on gear once I have that homestudy approval in my hot little hands!

I also finished our adoption profile book - and I'm quite happy with the result. I bought 1 copy of the version I had completed so that I could see what the actual product looked like. I am glad I did this - while it was beautiful, I definitely found a few things to improve on text layouts for easier reading and better flow of the background colors on the pages. I am probably going way overboard on this silly book, but it keeps me busy and is the only thing the birthparents may see to make a decision about entrusting us with their child. Now I need to order 10 more copies for distribution to the agency and our attorney. Luckily, they are on sale 20% off!

I've decided to expand this little blog somewhat to start incorporating some helpful stuff for other adoptive parents. We've noticed more traffic on the Nest/Bump Adoption page and I'd like to help out other folks looking for information if they happen across my little corner of the web.

Shooting for mid-June approval. . .

2009-05-14T19:14:00.000-07:00

We had the second of our joint interviews with the SW today and all went smoothly. So far, the interview process has been fairly painless. The conversations with the SW have been low-key - just getting to know about us as individuals and as a couple. SW is pretty good at identifying areas she thinks might be difficult for us (adjusting to sleep deprivation, etc.) and gave us some advice for books and resources on a few topics.

We also scheduled our last interview!!! We are really starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel with this process. Allowing time for the SW to write our homestudy, then another meeting to go over it with us, we should be officially waiting sometime in June. I was really worried that hubby's impromptu trip to Scotland tomorrow was going to hold up the presses, but it all seems to be working out.

Which is great, because I have a TON of stuff I want to get done around the house. I've already gotten one quote for painting the rest of the interior and have another scheduled next week. We also need to get some concrete work done in the front yard (landscape edging and a new pathway from the driveway to our backyard), so I have contractors coming out to bid that stuff, too.

After the house projects are done, I think I might start working on preparing for a baby. That sounds so weird and distant, but I probably need to start thinking about having at least some stuff ready in case we get "the call." We've also decided to cloth diaper - instead of using disposables. I'm not sure how well it will go, but I want to give this a legitimate effort. I'm hoping to build up a nice little collection of diapers and supplies while I have some time to kill. Luckily, lots of gals on The Nest have given me some great advice and websites to check out for ideas.

I've been really encouraged by all the happy endings for my sisters on the Web - The Nesties saw a number of placements in the last couple of weeks. Hopefully, it's just a matter of time for us, too.

Homestudy Visit Numero Uno

2009-05-04T22:04:00.001-07:00

We had our first visit last Monday afternoon and it went really well. Our SW was very sweet and commented on how nice the house looked - and that she hoped I hadn't spent hours cleaning for the visit (of course I did).

She did a walk-through of the house, including each bedroom and the basement. She was mostly looking for overt hazards and making sure we knew what to baby-proof in the future. She checked carefully for fire extinguishers and smoke alarms (which we also tested for her to see if they worked) and exit locations. Luckily, Colorado uses a standard form for the home safety inspection that we had ahead of time - so we knew what to prepare for.

The second part of the visit was the first joint interview of 3 that we need to do (we also do 2 individual interviews). The questions were pretty much what a lot of us here have heard about in the past: describe your infertility, what interventions did you try, how have you grieved your infertility, etc. Usually I can talk about our IF without getting too emotional, but I did break down when I had to list out the dates of the MC. I kept 2 small date books (over 2 years) with all my cycle info and had to pull them out to give her the dates. For some reason, this was really hard and I started crying - but SW was very understanding and kind about it.

She also asked us about each other; what are our strengths and weaknesses were, how we met, and other relationship-type stuff. Overall, it was pretty straightforward and it didn't seem like the goal was to grill us - just get to know us.

Luckily, we were able to schedule our next round of interviews, so it looks like we'll have the homestudy in hand by the end of May. Which means we might be ready to accept a placement by June! We're still waiting to hear back on some fingerprinting (this takes soooo long!) and our neighbor reference (a whole other story).

Interestingly, the individual interviews are scheduled back-to-back and we can't talk to each other in between. I can't wait to see what those questions are like!

Frustrating week. . .

2009-04-24T18:27:00.000-07:00

Ughhh. Let's rundown the sucky goings on of the last few days:

1. Adoption agency STILL doesn't have my employment verification. Or my neighbor reference. I gave them the contact info again for my HR department - and a fax number for my neighbor over 2 weeks ago. This week I find out that they can't fax the reference form (for confidentiality reasons - and could they e-mail it? Fine. So I call my poor neighbor again to get even more personal info from her. Sheesh. I think the only reason my neighbor has been so patient with this process is because she is adopted. And I can't explain why my HR rep still has gotten a fax about the employment verification. I know the agency is busy and had some staff changes, but I'm really starting to get frustrated with these paperwork issues. I just want it to be done with already.

2. The pressure regulator valve in the house crapped out late last week. So the pipes were making this horrible "singing" noise every time you flushed or turned on the water. Great. Luckily, I found a nice local plumber who only charged me $210 to replace it. I had other quotes up to $500. Seriously? It took this guy 20 minutes to swap out a $50 plumbing part - where do these other yahoos get the nerve to quote me 500 bucks??

3. The other day I go down into the basement to grab a frozen meal to take to work - and find a foot long puddle of chicken-smelling juice running out of my freezer. Oh happy day. So, I cleaned up the liquid, open the freezer and find everything in it thawed and mushy. Probably $600 - 800 worth of food. Fabulous. Darling hubby was kind enough to empty and clean out the thing that night. Fast forward to today - I go down to make sure it's not to stinky inside the freezer and open the door to a warm interior. I was kicking myself yesterday, thinking I hadn't shut the thing properly on Tuesday, therefore prompting the Big Thaw. Turns out the dang thing is just busted in general. I guess the compressor or something on it died. So, not only do I get to spend hundreds of dollars replacing the food, I also get to fork out for a repair or a new freezer.

Sorry to gripe, but I hate when stuff piles on like this. I know we are very fortunate to afford the repairs (unlike many families now) and losing the food doesn't mean my family eats ramen for the next 3 weeks. I think the adoption delays are just really getting to me and the other stuff just sent me over the edge.

Oh well, next week will be better. Homestudy interview #1 is Monday afternoon, so I will spend that day tidying the house and getting ready for that. I'm not looking forward to the personal questions I know they will be asking, but it's progress and puts us closer to becoming parents.

I was watching Adoption Stories today and the episode featured a lesbian couple who had a son through foster-to-adopt. They showed their Gotcha Day at the courthouse and I bawled. Like sobbing - no kidding. All I could think about was how that might be hubby and I someday.

I can't wait.

Homestudy begins!!!!!

2009-04-12T15:05:00.001-07:00

We were finally able to make our first official homestudy interview appointment. Hurray for forward motion!!

Our meeting is on April 27th and will include the safety inspection for the house. I had a service come through and give us a once-over of all the stuff we need to do to childproof. It's a long list. I found a bunch of the stuff (outlet covers, rubber door stops, etc.) online, but custom baby gates and fire safety ladders are going to be pricey. I'm sure we could buy cheaper alternatives, but custom-made and -installed stuff will look much nicer. I know as a parent you chouldn't care so much about the aesthetics of your house, but. . .I do. So be it.

The adoption worker told us to plan for about 2.5 hours of interview time - and this is just one of 5 meetings. I'm a little nervous to discuss some of the intimate details of my family. Hubby and I are pretty healthy and well-adjusted (at least we think we are), but both of us have issues in our extended family. Oh well, I guess pretty much every family is touched by violence, mental health issues, or drug use in some way or another. I'm just not looking forward to hashing it over with a relative stranger. Another mild invasion/injustice in the interest of becoming a parent - one that biological parents never really have to go through. Lord, give me strength.

Hubby and I are going to go to Las Vegas in May - our one and only real vacation this year. It's just for three days, but we're going to stay at the new Palazzo resort (right next to the Venetian) and see some shows. I love staying in hotels - and I love me some Vegas. We haven't been there in close to a year and can't wait to go back. Always a good time - great food, cool entertainment, and watching hubby throw some dice!

All else in life is quiet. Been working out a bit, so I'm happy to be getting some exercise. I bought those Turbo Jam videos - I know, so cheesy - and they are a surprisingly fun workout. The moves are a little complicated at first, but I got the hang of it pretty quickly.

I also finished reading The Shack. Pretty moving stuff - I see why it's been such a success. It really helped me understand the nature of our relationship with God. Or at least the writer's interpretation of our relationship with God. I really like the idea that we are so loved and that Jesus' existence was a gift for us - so that we could find our way back to a loving relationship with God.

I hope that hubby and I can teach our child this philosophy. I see a lot of people who use Christianity as a sword to fight or judge their fellow man - and that ain't what we're here for. It's not my place to judge others for their choices. I'm not saying that people should run amok and murder and steal - those are sins and sin has its consequences. But I refuse to believe that God wants me to hold my fellow man in contempt for their personal choices - especially ones that don't directly affect me. My responsibility as a Christian is to try and love and forgive my fellow man for what they perpetrate against me. A tall order to be sure, but I'm trying.

Been a while. . .

2009-04-02T20:29:00.000-07:00

But we've made some decent progress in recent weeks! Our paperwork for the adoption agency is essentially done. Hubby is dropping off a last few items at their office tomorrow. I'm in the final throes of finishing our "Dear Expectant Parents" letter and profile book. I finally got some pics of hubby coaching - which I REALLY wanted to include in the profile because it's such a big part of his life. The book just wouldn't have felt complete without them.

Our good friends took some "family" pics of hubby and I at a local park last week - and Maggie (our dog) was even in some of them. I hope they come out decent - I'd love to have at least 2 or 3 to add to the mix of photos I already have.

Now we just wait for the agency. I e-mailed our new adoption worker earlier this week, but didn't get any response from her on where we are with moving towards some interviews. Hubby will be at their office tomorrow, so, hopefully, this will jog her memory to review our file and check in with me.

I was really hoping to be waiting for a placement by now - but our progress has really slowed. We completed our adoption training last week, so I'm feeling ready to move forward. But the agency had some personnel changes and I think the change in workflow is affecting our homestudy. I have to admit, seeing 4 other families at the training took a little wind out of my sails. They were all about where we are in the process, so it seems like the agency has a lot of homestudy work to do in the near future.

I know I need to be patient - there's probably no sense in getting worked up over a few weeks of delay when we'll probably be waiting for a placement between 6 months to a year. But I've gotten so much done recently, and I'm antsy to get the formalities over with. I have lots of projects around the house and yard to keep me busy while we are waiting, but I need to clear this process off the to-do list before I dive into some of those tasks.

I keep trying to remember Proverbs 3:5-6: Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. This whole process isn't up to us - we just have to trust that God has a timeline for this that will be revealed in good time.

For those of you who want to, feel free to pray for us that this process moves swiftly and positively. We'd really like to bring a baby home in 2009!!!

Wow - interesting. . .

2009-03-17T19:22:00.000-07:00

This sounds sooo stupid, but. . . I think this adoption thing is really going to happen! We've had some actual progress with our application. Over the weekend, we took a Baby Care class at the local hospital. Tons of good info, but SIDS = SCARY!! How do parents sleep at night without worrying about all the horrible crap that could happen to your baby? I guess you just do what you can - and then let it go.

We do our formal adoption training this Saturday and next Tuesday. I'm excited to get this done for two reasons: I'm interested in the info and I want to meet some other families. We met another couple (who had just gotten a placement with a newborn) in our Baby class and I was surprised at how happy I was for them! I know that sounds kind of douche-y, but it's hard not to view other prospective adoptive parents as competition. Crappy, yes. Honest, absolutely.

But like I said, I was genuinely happy for them. What a neat thing to see others have their dream come true. Either I'm maturing, or this church-going is really starting to change me.

Speaking of church-going, I'm starting to dig this. A lot. I'm not on board with all of the concepts (sorry, I believe carbon-dating is accurate and dinosaurs did exist), but I'm really trying to get a better understanding of the Bible. I don't think I'll ever agree with the fundamentalist concept of the Bible as basis for a worldview, but I definitely think its teachings can show us a better way to live. Not the only way to live - but a better way for me. Sometimes church is difficult because I'm not always confident that I am surrounded by others who view things the way I do. But, I do feel welcome there and my bible study efforts are helping me to make better choices about things in everyday life. Nothing earth-shattering, mind you. Mostly about letting go of my selfishness and thinking more about what I can do for the world - and less about what the world can do for me.

And here's something interesting - a friend of ours called tonight and mentioned she has a friend doing cradle care for a newborn. Who needs a family. I guess the birthmom is working with an agency (not ours) who is trying to gather some families to present to her. I don't have the gut feeling that this is our baby. But it's really encouraging to know that, someday, we will get the phone call that makes us parents. Either way, I contacted our attorney to get his take on the situation. . .

I will keep you all posted.

2009-02-25T08:14:00.001-08:00

The Federal Adoption Tax credit is a huge help when it comes to the cost of adoption. This year the 2009 Federal Adoption Tax credit is $12,150 but the tax credit is set to expire in December 2010 unless Congress votes to continue it.

The Adoption Tax Relief Guarantee Act of 2009, H.R. 213 will keep the adoption tax credit from being expiring.

Please take a moment today to email or call your senators and congressmen:

Write your U.S. Representative

Write your U.S. Senator

Going to church tonight. . .

2009-02-05T16:09:00.000-08:00

For an adoption support group meeting. We are still really early in the adoption process, so I'm not even sure what we'll get out of the meeting. I guess I'm worried that everyone there will have already adopted and this will be more of a "parenting an adopted child" thing. But, it might be a good place to ask some other people about their experiences, so I'm trying to keep an open mind.

I dropped off the bulk of our application paperwork (along with a substantial check) at our agency last week. I haven't heard from them, but I'm not sure that's anything to worry about. I suppose when they are ready to schedule interviews and what-not, they will find us. Best case scenario for us would probably be a late-March or early-April homestudy approval and then we begin waiting from there.

I meet with our attorney on Monday to start working on our profile that the birthmothers will look at. I have absolutely no idea what this thing will look like for us. We saw a handful of other profiles at the agency and I couldn't get over how many pictures they had in them of family and friends. Ed and I are close to our families and have a lot of friends, but we're not picture-takers by nature and don't have this type of stuff. I know what I want to say in the profile, but I hope I can cobble together enough pictures to make it look decent. At this point, our profile will mostly look like a vacation album since that's all we really have for pictures. Oh well, I guess we'll deal with that later.

So, that's where we're at this week. I had lunch with a friend I've known since childhood today and it was so great to see her! She was recently made partner in her law firm; I'm so proud of all she has accomplished. Plus, I got to try a restaurant I'd never been to before and it was really tasty. All in all a good day!

First blog. Ever. . .

2009-01-27T10:55:00.000-08:00

Well, here it is. The official Blog of our Adoption Journey.

I'm already tired of that term. Isn't that terrible? It just sounds so trite. I am excited for what lay ahead of us - the possibility of parenthood, sharing our home with another human being, imparting our knowledge, values, and moral system. But those two words - the implications are staggering.

Before we decided to become prospective adoptive parents (PAPs), we didn't realize there was this whole other language about the subject. And a host of emotional and behavioral expectations that would be foisted upon us once we decided to enter this microcosm of parenthood. I knew there would be forms to fill out and hoops to jump through. But this is nothing compared to the intangible demands forced upon us (PAPs) by ourselves as a group and the outside world.

I'm always amazed at how people respond when I explain that we are attempting to adopt an infant. I've never gotten any of the "can't you have kids" or "how much does it cost to get a kid" idiocy that I hear other women speak about on blogs and such. I'm talking about The Look. The facial expression that I perceive on nearly every person I tell. It goes hand-in-hand with a softening of their voice and often the words, "that's great." They have already, in the span of a few seconds, summed up my situation and assessed what is the most socially appropriate way to respond. Fascinating. Sometimes, the pity is palpable. They know that the odds say that I'm incapable of having biological children and that's why I've chosen this route to parenthood. They assume that I've already pursued medical intervention for the problem - to no avail. They assume that I've shed countless tears and that my husband and I have failed at a task that the vast majority of the human population is extraordinarily successful at - making more humans.

And they are right.

But the truly f*#ked up part of the equation is that the onus is on ME to navigate this with tact and grace. To be an ambassador of sorts for the benefits and joy that adoption brings to many, many families. And I'll do that with a smile. Even though we all know that the industry (and I do mean to use the word industry here) is fraught with unscrupulous individuals looking to make a buck. The stories of birthmothers working the system to get their rent and expenses paid for by others with no intention of ever surrendering their infants. And adoptive parents who will stop at nothing and spend as much money as it takes to secure their birthright of parenthood. I cannot believe we have jumped into the fray.

Luckily, there are good people in this business of parenthood for pay. Attorneys and social workers who strive to make the system better for everyone: the prospective parents with broken hearts, the birthmothers who need help to change their lives, and the children in the middle. We were fortunate enough to find some of these people - and be able to afford to work with them. I've learned that the "quickest match" isn't the way to go. We want the RIGHT match. I don't want to take a child from someone who could parent her baby if she used all of the resources available to her. I don't want to be an adoptive mother at the cost of leaving a birthmother confused and agonizing over her decision because she didn't get the counseling she needed to make an informed choice. And I don't want to make a glorified baby broker rich by spending tens of thousands of dollars in the hopes of being matched in only 3 to 6 months.

I'd like to think we are better people than that. . .